QUESTION TIME

Sometimes I wonder..........
Why do people say the alarm went "off" when it actually sounded like it was "on"? 
If beef comes from a cow and ham from a pig, why do they put beef in hamburgers? 
Was it a rich or a smart person who said: "Money can't buy happiness."? 
If love is blind, is lingerie considered Braille? 
Why do we act like we know what someones talking about when we have no idea? 
Why do people point at their wrists when they ask what time it is? I know where my watch is! Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the bathroom is? 
Why is it that you sit in front of your TV and behind your computer? 
Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio? 
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes? 
Is it OK to use the AM radio after noon? 
What do butterfly's feel when they're in love? 
Why do people have "hot water heaters"? If your water is hot, why heat it? 
If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes? 
Why is it new and improved? If it's new how can it be an improvement of something and if it's improved how can it be something new? 
Why do the sick people have to walk all the way to the back of the pharmacy for medicine when cigarettes can be purchased at the front door? 

All the other questions, not new, but still without an answer.... 
Adam and Eve were the first people on earth............Did they have belly buttons? 
A nice box of chocolates provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. Isn't that handy? 
Are unripened oranges called greens? 
A wise old owl sat on an oak, The more he saw the less he spoke; The less he spoke the more he heard; Why aren't we like that wise old bird?
Can atheists get insurance for acts of God? 
Can it be a mistake that "desserts" gives "stressed" spelled backwards? 
Could your eyes be called an academy, because there are pupils there? 
Crime doesn't pay. . .does that mean that my job is a crime? 
Did Noah include termites on the ark? 
Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected? 
Does the name "Pavlov" ring a bell? 
Do fish get thirsty? 
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup? 
Do penguins have knees? 
Do they have reserved parking for non-handicapped people at the Special Olympics? 
Do you love me because I am beautiful or I am I beautiful because you love me? 
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? 
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations? 
How can one TV station have the "exclusive" accurate weather? Did they "storm" in and scoop the others? 
How come wrong numbers are never busy? 
How could I have been doing 70 miles an hour when I've only been driving for 10 minutes? 
How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings? 
How is it that a building burns up as it burns down? 
If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success? 
If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting? 
If a man with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, would it be considered a hostage situation? 
If a man who cannot count finds a four-leaf clover, is he lucky? 
If a turtle does not have a shell on, is he homeless or naked? 
If a vegetarian is someone who eats vegetables, what does that make a humanitarian? 
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? 
If corn oil comes from corn....where does baby oil come from? 
If crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? 
If helium existed in a solid form, and you ate it would you get heavier or lighter? 
If it is tourist season, why can't we shoot them? 
If nothing sticks to Teflon how do they stick Teflon to the pan? 
If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of congress? 
If someone were to pay you ten cents for every kind word you ever spoke and collect five cents for every unkind word, would you be rich or poor? 
If stores claim to be open 24 hours a day, seven days a week, why do they have locks on the doors? 
If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales? 
If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2? 
If the cops arrest a mime do they tell him that he has the right to remain silent? 
If there's so much laborsaving machinery, why don't I have more free time? 
If the universe is expanding, why can't I find a parking space? 
If the world is spinning so quickly why don't we all get dizzy? 
If tin whistles are made of tin, what are fog horns made of? 
If today is the first day of the rest of your life, what was yesterday? 
If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat? 
If we weren't meant to keep starting over, would God have granted us monday? 
If you learn from your mistakes, then why ain't I a genius? 
If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights? 
If you're only as old as you feel, how come I can't retire yet? 
If you steal a clean slate, does it go on your record? 
If you were going to die soon and had only one phone call you could make, who would you call and what would you say? And why are your waiting? 
I have lived through the sixties, seventies, eighties and nineties. Am I now about to live through the noughties? 
I'm in shape. Round is a shape, isn't it? 
I never spit in your drink; why do you smoke in my air? 
I saw a sign that said "seeing eye dogs only" who is supposed to read this? the dog? 
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny? 
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"? 
Is the glass half empty, half full, or twice as large as it needs to be? 
I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges? 
I wonder why you can always read a doctor's bill and never his prescription? 
Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak? 
The other day a woman came up to me and said, "Didn't I see you on television?" I said, "I don't know. You can't see out the other way." 
What do birdies see when they faint? 
What does an atheist do when he drives up behind a car with a "Honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker and that car doesn't move when the traffic light turns green? 
What do they use to ship styrofoam? 
What do you do when you discover an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants? 
What exactly is "Unsweetened" iced Tea? Did they take the sugar back out? 
What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free? 
What is listed as the hair colour on a drivers license of a bald headed man? 
What would the world be like without hypothetical situations? 
When it rains, why don't sheep shrink? 
When your parents get finished spanking you they say " you better dry it up or I'll give you something to cry for." What do they think that awhipping is. 
Where does the white go when the snow melts? 
Who puts the thin ice sign in the middle of the thin ice? 
Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there? 
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii? 
Why are wise men and wise guys the exact opposites? 
Why call it a building if it's already been built? 
Why can't life's problems hit us when we're 17 and know everything? 
Why does an alarm clock "go off" when it begins ringing? 
Why doesn't the fellow who says "I'm no speech maker" let it go at that instead of giving a demonstration? 
Why does Queen Elizabeth, who has people to put on her make-up, do her hair, and needs no cash or identification carry a purse? 
Why does the sun on the Raisan Bran cereal box wear sunglasses? 
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets? 
Why don't people on TV ever go to the bathroom? 
Why do people who know the least know it the loudest? 
Why do the hours at work drag on endlessly when the years seem to fly past? 
Why do they call them "apartments" when they are all stuck together? 
Why do they sterilise needles for lethal injections? 
Why do tourists go to the tops of tall buildings and then put money into telescopes so they can see things on the ground close-up? 
Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways? 
Why do we look in our handkerchiefs after blowing our nose? 
Why do we say there is nothing on TV tonight when there obviously is something on? 
Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them? 
Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive? 
Why is "abbreviation" such a long word? 
Why is it called a "building" when it is already built? 
Why is it that the uneducated minds always criticize the brilliant minds? 
Why is it that when one man kills another, he is hanged as a murderer, but when one man kills millions, he is hailed as a conqueror? 
Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio? 
Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo? 
Why is it, whether you sit up or sit down, the result is the same? 
Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds? 
Why isn't there mouse flavoured cat food? 
Why is the practice called "fasting" when time passes so slowly when you're doing it? 
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour? 
Why must the phrase, "It is none of my business", always be followed by, but? 
Would a fly without wings be called a walk? 
Wouldn't it be strange if the God who made His people free and happy should then give them commands that enslaved them again? Doesn't it seem more likely that what He gave them were rules for remaining free and happy? 
You can't have everything...where would you put it? 
You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance? 

 
Why is it that in the movies, it is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting? 
In movies, whenever there's a car chase, why is the car always an extremely expensive one? And why does it always crash? 
Why is it that in the movies, when paying for a taxi, it is possible to grab any note at random and it will be the exact fare? 
Why is it that in the movies, the Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris? 
Why can't life be more like a sit-com? Wouldn't it be nice to always get a laugh from your jokes and have even the biggest problem solved in half an hour? 
Did you know that in the movies it doesn't matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts? Won't your enemies just wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors? 
Why is it that in the movies, any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds, unless it's the door to a burning building with a child inside? 
How come in the movies, a man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating, but will wince in pain when a woman tries to clean his wounds? 
In the northern hemisphere the water always drains down the plug hole anti-clockwise. In the southern hemisphere it always drains clockwise. Is it imposible to empty a bath exactly on the equator? 
Why is it that the people who save their money for a rainy day always end up getting soaked by the government?
How do you get the germs off of your soap? 
Who's on the face of Mickey Mouse's watch? 
Why do all aliens always have such big heads? 
How do M&Ms know when they're in your mouth, so they can melt? 
Ever wonder what's on the dark side of the sun? 
If at first you don't succeed, then should you give up the idea of a parachute jump? 
If at first you don't succeed, should you destroy all evidence that you tried? 
Is no problem so big and complicated that it can't be run away from? 
How can we call a certain era "The Middle Ages" when we have absolutely no idea how long time will last? 
What happens if this is all just one big video game and God runs out of money? 
At the movies, why do all beds have special L-shaped top sheets which reach up to armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her? 
At the movies why is at least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil? 
At the movies, how come most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communications system of any invading alien society? 
At the movies, when you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish? 
At the movies, how come all honest and hard working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement? 
How did they get the air inside of a tennis ball? 
Once they invent faster-than-light travel, will that mean that once you get to your destination, you'll have to wait in the dark for awhile? 
When you dine out and all the waiters are wearing gloves, do you ever wonder what's in the food that they're afraid of? 

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