"Duct tape is like the Force.
It has a dark side, it has a light side, and it holds the Universe
together."
~ Carl Zwanig
"Reality continues to ruin my life."
"Don't play dumb -
there are too many people in high school who are much better at it than you
are"
"You're never too old to learn something stupid."
"All true wisdom is found on T-shirts."
"If you can remember the '60s, then you weren't there."
"Gravity always wins."
"Clothes make the man.
Naked people have little influence in our society." ~ Mark Twain
"Look! They've expanded the Internet to take other stuff besides
porn!" ~ Suddenly Susan
"Life is cheap. It's the accessories that kill you."
"The problem with reality is the lack of background music."
"A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the word you first
thought of." ~ Burt Bacharach
"A man who smiles when things go wrong knows who to blame."
"Nothing is so smiple that it can't be screwed up."
"Money can't buy everything. That's what credit cards are for."
"The Swiss have an interesting army.
Five hundred years without a war. Pretty impressive.
Also pretty lucky for them.
Ever seen that little Swiss Army knife they have to fight with?
Not much of a weapon there. Corkscrews, Bottle openers.
'Come on, buddy, let's go.
You get past me, the guy in back of me, he's got a spoon.
Back off. I've got the toe clippers right there.'"
~ Jerry Seinfeld
"Get the facts first, THEN panic!"
"Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs."
"The statistics on sanity
are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental
illness.
Think of your three best friends. If they are okay,
then it's you." ~ Rita Mae Brown
"Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it."
"If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried."
From Various Sources On The Net